Sunday, April 15, 2012

I didn't sign up for this!!!

Go figure... Chris and the kids are napping, and I am sitting here, all sentimental, thinking about how I don't want to move away.... I guess this is better than painting the house crazy colors.

I moved to Florida in 2006 to be a teacher!  That's it, I wanted to teach and HMS hired me.  Chris moved with me and I'm sooooooo happy he did.  I can't live a day without him so I know I wouldn't still be here if he didn't come with me.  I probably wouldn't have made it a full school year.  Anyway, that's not what I didn't sign up for.  Chris has been in the army reserve since our junior year of college.  At first that's all it was, in the army...... it was his "second" job because he was in school and thought he wanted to do something else.  He was still in the "reserves" when we moved here and is technically still in the reserves in the AGR program which means he's full time reserve recruiter.  When he became a recruiter he told me we are eventually going to have to move, its like being in the regular Army.  Every few years you get a change of station. I said ya, it's OK, not really thinking we would have to.  Chris had a way of somehow choosing where he wanted to be. (maybe it's a reserve thing) I don't know.  But I figured he would find a way to stay here.

Well our time is has come, he just informed me that within the next year we are going to have to move somewhere. (that's what I didn't sign up for!)

 I'm not ready to move!!!!!! but I will, because he LOVES his job and the Army and he's pretty good at it (at least I think so) BUT WHAT ABOUT ME??????? and the KIDS??????? Why do they make people move if he's doing a good job and staying in the same job?? why move?? I have a career too! and I LOVE TEACHING!! I love MY school and I love COACHING.. This just isn't fair. To top it all off I have the most amazing group of friends here! We have best friends that live one house away and across the street. And I have the most amazing group of teacher/mommy friends in the world. (I can't list them all) But I was just thinking of our summer teacher/mommy/kids and get sad this might be my last summer.  I look up to my friend Lisa as a teacher, mother, and runner.... everything really. I don't know how she does it? But if I ever have a question or need advise about anything she's the first one I call. She is my first friend I made when I moved here, she's my best friend!  And Vicky I call her super mom, because she is!!!!! I'm in tears as I type this. How did I get so lucky to find such a great group of friends?? I want to pack them up and take them with me so we can spend every summer together talking about how the "SAHM's" have it made and how easy life is during the summer and how we could do this everyday  :)

I've talked to a few people about the fact that we will eventually have to move and I have to quit my job.  Everyone always tells me you'll get another teaching job. Yeah, I probably will, but there is one more thing. Tammy!!! If we move and I get another job who is going to watch my babies? I can't just take them to anybody.  Really, I planned on them staying with Tammy until they started Kindergarten. She is the BEST, there are no words to explain how much she means to us. She really is their second Mom! So ya, I'll get another teaching job when Tammy moves with us :) or when the twins go to kindergarten. (tears still)

Then there's our house which is a whole different story/headache that we are going to have to deal with when the time comes. I can't even think about it at the moment because it could quite possibly push my emotions over the edge.  So like I said "I didn't sign up for this" when I moved to Florida; because all I knew was that I was going to be a teacher, it was MY dream, what I went to 5 years of college for. BUT.... DREAMS GROW as we grow. My DREAM now has Chris, Carter and Kenna as the most important.

I DID sign up for this when I married my soulmate and best friend.  I didn't think at the time " OK lets get married, start our life together and move it around the country". But I did think "We are a team, we are going to be together for the rest of our lives, and where ever life takes us I'm happy to be with you." So if that means we will have to move around the U.S. for Chris's job, then I'm in.

 I know I'm going to be "difficult Marissa" through this whole process. And I'm apologizing ahead of time for it, I just can't help it. I'm sad.   I do secretly hope that in a couple years the Army will move us right back to Westerly Dr. and everything will just fall back into place like we never left. The other part of this whole process is the unknown.  I'm a planner, I like to plan things out sometimes a year in advance, so this not knowing whats going on is killing me.  Part of me wants to just know when and where we are going to have to go, and part of me doesn't want the dreaded news because that means its REAL. I'm not ready for reality to smack me in the face.

1 comment:

  1. OMG this is the saddest thing that I have read...What would I do with out you guys? My kenna and Carter has helped me through the hardest time of my life the past couple of months just by being the special kids that they are..and keeping me busy with them and caring for them..I truly love them as if they we my own. Everything will work out it always seems to but man I am sure going to miss you when you do have to move...I will def make plans to come and see you guys. Maybe you can move closer to where nikki may move and your sister.